A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”

John got up early on Saturday morning to play golf. He kissed his wife goodbye, and Sue reminded him they were going out to eat early that evening with another couple. John promised her he would be home in plenty of time.

A woman on her way home from a hard day’s work, stopped at a bar for just one drink. As she was sitting at the bar, she noticed an exceptionally gorgeous and distinguished man enter the place alone. He sat 4 stools away, and was so striking that she could not take her eyes from [...]

An 80-year-old man goes to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. By the way, how old was your father when he died?”

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

An older Jewish couple was starting on a vacation, but it soon became obvious that their habit of arguing over everything was not taking a break.

A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets. After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace.

–My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don’t know where she is.