-A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate — teenagers are cats. It’s so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm [...]

Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I’m writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won’t know the house when you come home. We’ve moved.

A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.

At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, “As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.”

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”