After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
“Of course, my son,” said the priest.

In California’s Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like “well-aged Caumeneur.”

A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

“There are 2 O’s in Bob, right?”
“We’re all out of red, so I used pink.”

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one’s enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

“Honey,” said a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.