Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, “You know sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of idiot to forget to eat!

Hello, you have reached the Police Department’s Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options:

My mother taught me CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS….
“I just scrubbed that floor. Go outside and bleed in the entry.”

Benign: What you be after you be eight.

You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat-handle comb in the back pocket was cool.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing “Silent Night”…….
–Age 6