OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, [...]

A redneck decides he is going to buy a chainsaw to cut down some trees in his back yard.

Score 3 points per correct answer. You’re given 1 point to start.

A bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity to go to university in London. So he packed his bags and said good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the big city.

(Rumor was that this story was an actual article from an Arkansas newspaper. We later learned that’s not true.)

To: Consumas Outside the Garden State

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.