Q: Why do politicians envy ventriloquists?
A: Because they can lie without moving their lips.

“Honey,” said a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

A customer was really hassling an airline agent at the ticket counter — yelling and using foul language. However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer continued to abuse her.

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me 100 baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.

Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.

An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend.

A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.

A gallery owner called an artist and said, “I have good news and bad news.”