A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the m...
I love my Job, I love the Pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss; she's the best!
I love her boss and all the rest. I love my Office and its location —
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and the paper that pi...
The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. —The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country. —The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country. —USA Today is read by people wh...
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls by the officials, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touchdown and a field goal. When the official made y...
A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He'd tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn't enter heaven. The brunette went first and...
Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he'd become comfortable, the front doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on terry cloth slippers and a large towel, wrapped his head in a smaller towel, and went to the door. A salesman at the do...
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe...
rom: [email protected] (Tom Thomassen) =================================cut here===================================
(% represents the csh, $ represents the bourne shell) % "How poorly would you rate the Unix (so-called) user interfa...
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses." "Well, I have contacts," the woman replied. "Look lady...
Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on the man's shins. He asked, "Do you play hockey, rugby, or any physical sport?" "No. I just play bridge with my wife."...
Bob had been shopping downtown all day with his wife and four little children. They were all so tired, he decided to take a taxicab home. Approaching a cab driver, he demanded, "How much will you charge to drive us to the Bronx?" "I figure $5 api...
An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years. The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup. The doctor says, "Your heari...
Marvin was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and co...
A beautiful female college student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly, "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfull...
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long...
A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a beautiful young woman in a very slight, very tight bikini strolled by. The near-naked woman looked at the doctor, smiled, and said in a sexy voice: "Hi there handsome. How are you doing?" S...
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buc...
Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. "Cash, check or charge?" She asked after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As she fumbled for her wallet The cashier noticed a television remote control in her purse. "Do you alway...
Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, "I'll bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he answered, as if offended, and left for the office. At 10:00 a.m., a dozen red roses arrived at the house. At 1:00 p.m., a two-pound box of...
A couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party, everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married, we came to an agreement to share....
