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Actual Classified Ads Found in Actual Newspapers

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog

FREE PUPPIES. 1/2 Cocker Spaniel. 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES. Part German Sheperd. Part stupid dog.

GERMAN SHEPERD. 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be reward.

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offer

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE… Only used on snowy days.

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, comes with its own 1988 Mustang, 5L, auto, excellent condition, $6800

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED… also 1 gay bull for sale.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 yr. warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.

NORDIC TRACK $300. Hardly used. Call Chubby.

BILL’S SEPTIC CLEANING. “We haul American made products.”

SHAKESPEARE’S PIZZA - Free chopsticks

HUMMELS - Largest selection ever “If it’s in stock, we have it!”

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES. California grown - 89 cents lb.

PARACHUTE FOR SALE. Never opened - Used once.

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours, Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: Queen size mattress & box springs - $175

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB. And its made of 100% Italian leather

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300

LAWYER SAYS CLIENT NOT THAT GUILTY

ALZHEIMER’S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

OPEN HOUSE. Body Shapers Toning Salon. Free coffee & donuts

FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

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