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Football Southern Style

Woman’s Accessories
North: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a flask. Money not necessary – that’s what dates are for.

Stadiums
North: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
South: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers
North: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor
North: Statues of founders.
South: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen
North: Also a physics major.
South: Also Miss America.

Heroes
North: Rudy Guliani
South: Paul “Bear” Bryant or Steve Spurrier

Getting Tickets
North: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
South: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list.

Parking
North: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
South: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday.

Tailgating
North: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by “Hootie and the Blowfish.”

Getting to the Stadium
North: You ask “Where’s the stadium?” When you find it, you walk right in.
South: When you’re near it, you’ll hear it. On game day it becomes the state’s third largest city.

Commentary (Male)
North: “Nice play.”
South: “Break his legs! Kill him! Hit his mama!”

Commentary (Female)
North: “My, this certainly is a violent sport.”
South: “Break his legs! Kill him! Hit his mama!”

Thanks, Mel in Ft. Meyers, FL

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