Bernie was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vi...
A customer was really hassling an airline agent at the ticket counter — yelling and using foul language. However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer continued to abuse her. When the man finally left, the next perso...
The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie." Late...
One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons." As I stirred my sauc...
A businessman was sitting in the airport VIP lounge when he noticed Microsoft head Bill Gates sitting on the couch enjoying a drink. He suddenly had a great idea to impress the important client he was meeting to fly to Seattle. So, he approach...
An interoffice softball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. In 2000, the support staff whipped the marketing department soundly. But the marketing department showed how they earn their keep by...
A window salesman phoned up a customer. "Hello, Mr. Brown," said the sales rep. "I'm calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still haven't sen...
Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think y...
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's c...
A magazine ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some submissions: As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using indiv...
From a U.S. Government Worker The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed from one generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, our government entities seem t...
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd stand...
They Say: Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties.
They Mean: We got so sick of working on this that we decided to do something else. They Say: Major Technological Breakthrough.
They Mean: Back to the draw...
To: All Employees
Re: Casual Day Memo No. 1:
Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity. Memo No. 2:
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire...
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. An auditor is some...
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the hot-shot young Engineer, fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer coolly said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depen...
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes on everything, and then leaves. CHAINSAW CON...
One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation. The supervisor radios back and says, "Do...
Catherine, an RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employer...
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He thinks about stepping out for a smoke, only to realize he's lost his cigarettes. Then he sees it — in the middle of the room, under the carpet, is a bump. "No sense pulling up the en...
