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Signs You Are Watching a Bad Financial News Show

Host urges viewers to invest in his daughter’s Girl Scout cookies.

Coverage of the opening bell is a prerecorded honk of a car horn and a tourist photo of the Liberty Bell.

Experts keep advising you to invest in canned goods, bottled water, and shotgun shells.

Lunchtime guest CEO admits that he isn’t really a CEO — though he did once play one on a canceled sitcom.

Theme song is “Money” from Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon.”

Every time Yahoo! is mentioned, the anchor says, “Seriously — that’s not the name of a real company, is it?”

Experts advise you check out the Produce section of the stock market.

Hosts constantly complain about how there’s “too much math.”

Scrolling stock ticker at the bottom of the screen is handwritten in crayon.

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