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Stock Market Terminology for Dummies

Momentum Investing – The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing – The art of buying low and selling lower.

Broker – Poorer than you were in 1999.

P/E ratio – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Standard & Poor – Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Bull Market – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband sleeps on the couch.

Stock split – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Market Correction – The day after you buy stocks.

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