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The Benefits of Growing Older (and you thought there weren’t any)

  • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
  • No one expects you to run into a burning building.
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  • People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • Things you buy now won’t wear out.
  • You can buy a compass for the dash of your car.
  • You can eat dinner at 4:00.
  • You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
  • You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
  • You can constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
  • You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
  • You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
  • You got cable for the weather channel.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • You give lots of money to charities.
  • You sing along with the elevator music.
  • You have an age advantage whenever you need it.
  • Your Congressman pays attention to you.
  • You are not expected to keep up with technology or understand it.
  • You get travel and entertainment discounts.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  • You can dance to the oldest music and no one laughs at you.
  • People come to you for help with their antique cars.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

Thanks, Anita in L.A.

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