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To: Wives

If we’re in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn’t mean we’re not watching it.

Don’t tell anyone we can’t afford a new car. Tell them we don’t want one.

Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Wearing your new lingerie only once does not send the message that you need more. It tells us lingerie is a bad investment.

Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.

Don’t feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We’re just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

The quarterback who just got pummeled isn’t trying to be brave. He’s just not crying. Big difference!

When the waiter asks if everything’s okay, a simple ‘Yes’ is fine.

What do you mean, ‘leering?’ She’s obstructing my view.

When I’m turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying ‘Oh, this is our exit, Honey’ is not really necessary.

The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it.

SportsCenter starts at 10:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your sister.

If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?

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