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Translating Real Estate Ads

CHARMING – Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See “Cute,” “Enchanting,” and “Good Starter Home.”

MUCH POTENTIAL – Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See “Ready to Rehab,” and “Fixer Upper.”

UNIQUE CITY HOME – Used to be a warehouse.

HI-TECH/CONTEMPORARY – Lots of steel shelving with little holes – the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement.

DARING DESIGN – Still a warehouse.

COMPLETELY UPDATED – Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa.

FIXER-UPPER – A crew of 100 carpenters working twelve months with an unlimited budget could make it inhabitable.

SOPHISTICATED – Black walls and no windows. See “Architect’s Delight.”

ONE-OF-A-KIND – Ugly as sin.

BRILLIANT CONCEPT – Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See “Makes Dramatic Statement.”

UPPER BRACKET – If you have to ask . . .

YOU’LL LOVE IT – No, you won’t.

MUST SEE TO BELIEVE – An absolutely accurate statement.

Thanks, Anita Cotter

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