Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I’m suffocating

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of the situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he’s done…

Before - The Sound of Music
After - The Sound of Silence

Before - It’s like I’m in a dream
After - It’s like he’s in a dorm

Before - $60/dozen
After - $1.50/stem

Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?

Before - Charming and Noble
After - Chernobyl

Before - Ideal
After - Idle

Before - I love a woman with curves
After - I never said you were fat

Before - He’s completely lost without me
After - Why won’t he ever ask for directions?

Before - Time stood still
After - This relationship is going nowhere

Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant

Before - Blind
After - Nearsighted

Before - You look so seductive in black
After - Your clothes are so depressing

Before - Iambic Pentameter
After - Blank Verse

Before - Oysters
After - Fish sticks

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can’t believe I ended up with someone like you.