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EuroEnglish

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

In negotiations, certain compromises had to be made. For instance, Her Majesty’s Government has conceded that there is some room for improvement in English language spelling and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will certainly be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with “k.” Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typwriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f.” This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptans on the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e’s” in the language is disgrasful, and the would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing the “th” by “z,” and “w” by “v.” During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be droped from vords kontaining “ou,” and similar changes vud of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zi fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

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