I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing ’em.
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
I think, therefore I’m single.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
-Baroness Edith Summerskill
If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor